I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
