eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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