I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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