margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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