She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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