It was confusing and full of hummus
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
