Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
