You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
