she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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