Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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