Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
