it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
