I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
