I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
