Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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