I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
