Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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