My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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