The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
