I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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