she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
