I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
