Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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