You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
