also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
