I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
