I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
