he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
