Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
