You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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