You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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