"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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