I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
