I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
