i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
