Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
