I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
