So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
