are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
