Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
