Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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