If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This baby is an asshole
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
