i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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