so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
