She said her name was "party"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
