Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
