Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
