yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
