When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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