If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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